So one question I have been asked often (well ever since I've started to "look" pregnant and obviously when Hailey isn't with me), is "is this your first baby??"  The conversations usually go from here: 

Me: "no, this is my third." 
Other person:  "oh wow, how old are your other children?" or "do you have boys or girls?"....something along these lines.

Again, the dreaded openers to the conversations I will forever have to face when discussing my children. 

Here we are in September, the cooler weather blew in this week and with it came so many reminders and emotions.  At this exact time last year, I was preparing for Emily's arrival.  I had the same discomforts and sleepless nights as I have now...but the emotional ride is far from being the same.  I think about Emily every single day, but just the smell of the cooler air takes me back to (almost) one year ago when she became a part of our little family.  The smell also reminds me of the pain and heartache we endured...and while it has gotten easier...has stayed with us the past 11 months.  We should be preparing to celebrate her first birthday in just under 3 weeks.  We should be watching her learn how to walk and follow her big sister around...wondering where the past year has gone.  Instead, we plan to light a candle and say a prayer in her memory... and all we have to look at are her pictures of her 12 days on earth and her ashes.

One year later, and we are preparing for the arrival of our third daughter...not to replace our Emily, but to carry on her legacy...to put a little band aid over our broken hearts...and to put a little rainbow back in our gray sky. 

This will be the last time I write before her arrival (scheduled for induction on September 21, which is 12 days from today), therefore the last time I write during this pregnancy.  Thank you to those who have followed and kept us all in your thoughts the past year and also through this pregnancy.  Most of you know that this pregnancy has not been an easy ride...both physically and emotionally, but I am so thankful to say that, with every challenge we have faced...we have been able to overcome it.  I am coming up on 37 weeks, which in a technical sense, that is considered full-term.  So now, whatever happens I feel more at ease and will now be turning everything over to God and our doctors.  I have zero complaints about the team of doctors who we have been working with the past 9 months and have been amazed at how caring and cautious they have been with our situation. 

Obviously, my fears have not gone away and I am still terrified that we will not get to see another one of our little girls grow up...but I have faith.  And, if I have learned anything from the past year...it is that you cannot give up on faith.  As I reflect back on my post from January...I can truly now call this our road to HOPE!

I pray that I will have good news to report in the coming weeks.  But, please take time on September 28th to remember a little baby who is very special to me...who will be celebrating her first birthday up in Heaven.