Well, I'm trying to be better at keeping this updated...but I don't have a whole lot to report at the moment...but I'll give it a try!
The pregnancy seems to be going fine...I'm into my 8th week now so I'm still taking things day by day. I go in for my next appointment next Friday and I'm so anxious for that. I've had time to let all of the information from my last appointment set in so now I have a great big list of questions for my doctor. My stomach, however, has lovely shades of black and blue from the shots...gross! I know I should feel like a pro at this stuff by now...but it's amazing how quickly one forgets the aches and pains of pregnancy. I guess it's the body's way of protecting us or we'd never go through it more than once! Currently, I'm so tired that I can hardly hold my eyes open at certain points in the day. Monday, I had a nice little burst of energy where I was able to catch up on laundry and house cleaning...but I've been paying for it ever since. Thankfully, this stage doesn't last too long! Emotionally, it's been difficult. Somedays, I'm super excited and ready for October to be here (my new due date is October 4th if I hadn't mentioned)...and somedays, I don't ever want the pregnancy to end because...WHAT IF history repeats itself? Hormones don't help this matter and I try and turn myself to prayer whenever I get a sense of doubt or sadness over me. I do think that all the responses and the support I have gotten are just amazing and it truely keeps me going...so thank you!
I don't talk to Hailey much about the baby (not that she would FULLY understand), but I think she senses something. Maybe it's just the stage, but she is so facinated with babies...and not just dolls...pictures of babies, friends' babies, etc. And, I think it is so sweet that she will carry Emily's picture around and give it kisses...I can't wait to one day tell her about her little sister who will forever be her guardian angel! I am so lucky to have her (have I mentioned that). She is such a stinker at times...but she is so full of life and personality. I have been told several times that, "she is going to own her own business one day," but I'm pretty sure that also means that we are in T-R-O-U-B-L-E for the next 16 or so years! Her favorite thing to do is sing and dance...in fact she insists on climbing on the coffee table for her "performances." I'm really anxious for her to be old enough to put her in some time of musical program because, by the way she expresses herself musically now, I think she may have a real talent.
Well, like I said...not much to report this week. Hope everyone is doing wonderful and is enjoying this great weather we have been having...I know we have!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Trust.
I could either view this past week with a lot of "why's" and "what if's"...but I'm trying very hard to keep my head up and think positive. First off, a dear friend of mine has suffered another pregnancy loss and my heart has been breaking for her and hoping that she find the answers she needs so that she may one day have a little one to hold. I'll be honest, the devil has crept in a few times as I wonder why irresponsible drug addicts and mindless teenages can get pregnant with no problems when so many women who desire nothing but to be a good mother, struggle?? However, I try to remain the Faith and trust that He is ulitimately in charge.
I had my first appointment with a new OB today and I was extremely emotional the whole drive there...the flashbacks of Emily, the fears for this one, the excitement of seeing my little "nugget" for the first time, and the guilt that I might be "moving on." The reason I gave a little background on the ABO Incompatibility disorder in the previous post is because I knew without a doubt, that somehow, somewhere...there was a correlation between that and Emily's death...even though there was no evidence at the surface to say so. As I had been visiting with this new OB, he assured me that he would do whatever it took to deliver me a healthy baby and to keep my mind at ease throughout this pregnancy. Two weeks ago, after my routine antibody screen came back normal, he took me a step further and ordered a complete antibody work-up. Twenty-two tubes of blood and two VERY LONG weeks later, I received the results today. I first met with the sonographer and we got a peek at a very tiny little fetus who is 5 weeks and 6 days growing in my tummy with a strong little heartbeat....yay! Then, after visiting with Dr. Ehmer and reviewing my bloodwork, we discovered that my Anticardiolipin Antibodies are high...not good! In plain English, I have an Auto-Immune disorder which (as I previously stated my antibodies grow stronger with each pregnancy) can cause my body to form clots to fight off the pregnancy. Therefore, in order to (hopefully) prevent a miscarriage or something terrible in the pregnancy, I have to give myself a shot of a blood thinner in my stomach everyday. This also placed the missing piece of the puzzle in the search for answers to why Emily died. The presence of this antibody in young victims causes Myocardial Infarctions...Heart Attacks...Myocarditis (Emily's cause of death). The "hopeful" news (I struggle to use the phrase "good news") is, we can hopefully be proactive in preventing another loss...but my heart is aching so bad right now for my Emily.
Some of you might have questions like "why didn't anyone catch this before?" For one, asking this still doesn't bring her back and two, this is such an uncommon occurance that it usually isn't even surfaced until there is a problem...especially since my routine screening came back normal. I am just so very thankful that Dr. Ehmer took the next step to find these answers....and now I just pray pray pray that God will protect our little "nugget." Today, more than ever (not that I wasn't before)...I am so very thankful for my little Hailey who is here and healthy.
I suddenly feel the need to inform and educate people, not just on my issue, but to ask all the questions and do all the research you can possible do regarding your health because, like us, doctors are only human and will always be learning!!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all ways aknowledge him,
and HE will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
I had my first appointment with a new OB today and I was extremely emotional the whole drive there...the flashbacks of Emily, the fears for this one, the excitement of seeing my little "nugget" for the first time, and the guilt that I might be "moving on." The reason I gave a little background on the ABO Incompatibility disorder in the previous post is because I knew without a doubt, that somehow, somewhere...there was a correlation between that and Emily's death...even though there was no evidence at the surface to say so. As I had been visiting with this new OB, he assured me that he would do whatever it took to deliver me a healthy baby and to keep my mind at ease throughout this pregnancy. Two weeks ago, after my routine antibody screen came back normal, he took me a step further and ordered a complete antibody work-up. Twenty-two tubes of blood and two VERY LONG weeks later, I received the results today. I first met with the sonographer and we got a peek at a very tiny little fetus who is 5 weeks and 6 days growing in my tummy with a strong little heartbeat....yay! Then, after visiting with Dr. Ehmer and reviewing my bloodwork, we discovered that my Anticardiolipin Antibodies are high...not good! In plain English, I have an Auto-Immune disorder which (as I previously stated my antibodies grow stronger with each pregnancy) can cause my body to form clots to fight off the pregnancy. Therefore, in order to (hopefully) prevent a miscarriage or something terrible in the pregnancy, I have to give myself a shot of a blood thinner in my stomach everyday. This also placed the missing piece of the puzzle in the search for answers to why Emily died. The presence of this antibody in young victims causes Myocardial Infarctions...Heart Attacks...Myocarditis (Emily's cause of death). The "hopeful" news (I struggle to use the phrase "good news") is, we can hopefully be proactive in preventing another loss...but my heart is aching so bad right now for my Emily.
Some of you might have questions like "why didn't anyone catch this before?" For one, asking this still doesn't bring her back and two, this is such an uncommon occurance that it usually isn't even surfaced until there is a problem...especially since my routine screening came back normal. I am just so very thankful that Dr. Ehmer took the next step to find these answers....and now I just pray pray pray that God will protect our little "nugget." Today, more than ever (not that I wasn't before)...I am so very thankful for my little Hailey who is here and healthy.
I suddenly feel the need to inform and educate people, not just on my issue, but to ask all the questions and do all the research you can possible do regarding your health because, like us, doctors are only human and will always be learning!!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all ways aknowledge him,
and HE will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
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