Words cannot express the amount of love we have felt over the past few days and how grateful we are for each and every one of your comments, messages, and most of all your thoughts and prayers.  I wish I could personally thank and hug every single one of you, but hopefully you all will feel our love received and equally given in return!! 

I imagined how this week would play out...but obviously could not have fully predicted the events and the emotions of actually going through it.  The delivery process was nearly perfect...we checked in around 6am and got settled.  My cervix was still pretty far back and so I spent the morning on pitocin letting it soften...broke my water around lunch time and less than 3 hours later Hope was here (Dr. Ehmer literally had to sprint from his office accross the street and made it in the room just in time to catch her coming out), went all natural again (painful but can't beat the recovery), and Hope never showed any signs of stress.  She came out crying and eyes open...dr put her on my chest and she was looking right at me and I was in immediately in love.  She wrapped her little hands around my IV lines as if she were telling me "I'm not letting you go mommy!!"  As planned, the NICU team was waiting, and after everyone got to see her...they took her up to fully check her over. 

Now, as I have mentioned before...with Hailey and with Emily, we had an issue with ABO incompatibility.  I have O+ blood type and Barry is A+...both H and E had Barry's blood type when posed a problem after delivery (and apparently partly in utero that we never really knew about)...which is why I was monitored so closely for fetal anemia this time around (here's a little bit of info if anyone is interested: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hemolytic_disease_of_the_newborn_(ABO)).  We had already prepared ourselves that Hope would have the same issue, which is why she went straight to the NICU to have her blood type checked out and then a treatment plan would be put into place (which, given that my antibodies grow stronger with each pregnancy...would have most likely included a blood tranfusion/exchange).  AFter patiently waiting for the results...the nurse came back and told us she was O+ like me...I nearly fell to the floor (literally).  This was an answered prayer and TRULY a miracle!!  No tanning lights (phototherapy), IV's, and most importantly...no long NICU stay!!  As I type this, 3 days later...I still can hardly believe it!!  This means that, somewhere in Barry's bloodtype, there is an O that allowed her to get my blood type...thank you LORD!!!  This means that Hope's immune system is not compromised as it would be if she had the difference in bloodtypes and that one little scare we had a few weeks ago with the anemia was most likely due to something I ate or stress or something because every sonogram following that one was perfectly normal!!  "HOPE" could not be a more fitting name for our little miracle baby.  We gave all our "hope" (meaning of hope is: trust/faith) into this pregnancy and so far, it has truly came through for us. 

Naturally, all of my fears are not totally gone and I am still scared that, at any minute, this precious life could be taken from us...and I wish that I did not feel this way.  Everything about bringing Hope home seems so familiar to Emily.  The last time I held and cared for a newborn was with Emily, it was the same time of year...it's just all SOOOO the same but yet so different.  I was terrified to leave the hospital knowing she's only 2 days old and we're headed out into this scary world.  Every speck of dirt, every cough, every little hand that touches her or breathes in her direction scares the "you know what" out of me.  I want so badly to put her in a bubble for the next month or so...or at least until she makes it to two weeks and maybe I will feel a little more relieved (a point we never got to with Emily).  Deep down, I feel HOPEful and trust that she will not be going anywhere...but I still find myself staring at her and begging God not to take her away...but if I have learned anything, it has made me cherish EVERY minute with her and I just love this little baby so very much. 

Hailey has been such a wonderful big sister.  She is so protective and wants everyone to know that Hope is HER sister!!  Her awareness is so different from last year...I was curious to see if she would understand that the Hope that was in my tummy is the same Hope that she can now see...and she caught on very quickly!  I just love it.  I can honestly say that this is the happiest I have been in almost a year...nothing else seems to matter at this point and I don't want this feeling to go away!  But no matter what...Emily is still close in my heart, and even though I'm still working through my feelings of comparing last year to this year...I feel like Emily is watching over us and her little sister, Hope!

So one question I have been asked often (well ever since I've started to "look" pregnant and obviously when Hailey isn't with me), is "is this your first baby??"  The conversations usually go from here: 

Me: "no, this is my third." 
Other person:  "oh wow, how old are your other children?" or "do you have boys or girls?"....something along these lines.

Again, the dreaded openers to the conversations I will forever have to face when discussing my children. 

Here we are in September, the cooler weather blew in this week and with it came so many reminders and emotions.  At this exact time last year, I was preparing for Emily's arrival.  I had the same discomforts and sleepless nights as I have now...but the emotional ride is far from being the same.  I think about Emily every single day, but just the smell of the cooler air takes me back to (almost) one year ago when she became a part of our little family.  The smell also reminds me of the pain and heartache we endured...and while it has gotten easier...has stayed with us the past 11 months.  We should be preparing to celebrate her first birthday in just under 3 weeks.  We should be watching her learn how to walk and follow her big sister around...wondering where the past year has gone.  Instead, we plan to light a candle and say a prayer in her memory... and all we have to look at are her pictures of her 12 days on earth and her ashes.

One year later, and we are preparing for the arrival of our third daughter...not to replace our Emily, but to carry on her legacy...to put a little band aid over our broken hearts...and to put a little rainbow back in our gray sky. 

This will be the last time I write before her arrival (scheduled for induction on September 21, which is 12 days from today), therefore the last time I write during this pregnancy.  Thank you to those who have followed and kept us all in your thoughts the past year and also through this pregnancy.  Most of you know that this pregnancy has not been an easy ride...both physically and emotionally, but I am so thankful to say that, with every challenge we have faced...we have been able to overcome it.  I am coming up on 37 weeks, which in a technical sense, that is considered full-term.  So now, whatever happens I feel more at ease and will now be turning everything over to God and our doctors.  I have zero complaints about the team of doctors who we have been working with the past 9 months and have been amazed at how caring and cautious they have been with our situation. 

Obviously, my fears have not gone away and I am still terrified that we will not get to see another one of our little girls grow up...but I have faith.  And, if I have learned anything from the past year...it is that you cannot give up on faith.  As I reflect back on my post from January...I can truly now call this our road to HOPE!

I pray that I will have good news to report in the coming weeks.  But, please take time on September 28th to remember a little baby who is very special to me...who will be celebrating her first birthday up in Heaven.