So I realize that this post may start out extremely cheesy and nostalgic...but I promise I have a good point, so bear with me! :)

Open pity party:  So B has been traveling A LOT lately during the week, and combined with my summer homework load, a two-year old, and oh yeah...being pregnant, needless to say I've been a little down in the dumps lately.  On top of it all, it's coming down to the wire with the pregnancy and my anxiety level has been a little on the high side.  So...as I was driving home from the grocery store the other day, a song came on the radio that I turned up and sang to freely.  It was a song that made me think of summers as a teenager and for a moment, I warped back to that time...feeling carefree (for the most part) and just soaking up every moment of life.  Back before I really knew what stress and worry was.  Looking back, I could say that it was a selfish time...but for this moment that I was singing away in the car...I felt FREE!  Once the song ended I warped back into the present and started analyzing my life...wondering "would it just be easier if things were as simple and carefree as they were back then?"

The truth is, and it didn't take me long to realize this, that I would not change one bit of my life.  The trials and tribulations of my life have most certainly left battle wounds on my heart...but more importantly, they have made me into the person I am today.  Life as an adult, mother, wife, etc, may not always be happy and carefree...but my heart is bigger and warmer.  I always want to work at being a better person...but I know that my life's path has made me appreciate that.  I think of the Grinch's heart growing 10 (or however many) sizes and I can apply that to this as well.  Sure I had love when I was a teenager, but my love has grown 10 sizes and will forever grow as long as I let it. 

I think of how easy it would have been to just give up after Emily died...but I feel in my heart that she wouldn't want that so I have to keep going for my family...and for me!  Her death will always be a part of me and will always be a scar on my heart, but as I work through my healing, I am finally able to accept it.  I know that I would not have traded the moments I spent with her for anything in the world and I will always have those.  I'm not totally healed, I don't think I will EVER be, but I have come a long way.  My husband, my daughters, and my family ARE MY WORLD and I would never wish my life to be any different...but sometimes it does feel good to turn the music up and sing! :)