It is no exaggeration that the past 10 months have been extremely emotional for us.  From the birth of our second daughter to her death, and then making the decision to have another baby so soon and all of the things that has entailed...it has been one heck of a ride.  On January 17 of this year, I discovered I was pregnant again, only 3 months and 3 days since the death of our little Emily.  In the weeks following Emily's death, I knew that I wanted to have another baby...the question was: "when?"  B did not want me to even think about it for a while...we agreed we'd discuss it again in 6 months.  The Holidays brought on a great deal of difficulty in the grieving process and it was then that I began digging into the details trying to find out what went wrong.  After meeting with Dr. Ehmer, an OB who has a lot of experience in dealing with women who have suffered losses, after the first of the year and having him reassure me that I COULD go on to have a healthy baby...we knew in our hearts it was time to give it a shot. 

After finding out I was pregnant, followed by finding out about the anticardiolipin syndrome, the twice daily shots, the hesitation for excitment "just in case", continuing to grieve the loss of Emily, etc...etc...etc...we can now see the light at the end of the tunnel!!  All along I have set little milestones, and each time we reach a milestone...I feel a little bit more relieved and a little bit more excited.  Last week, we reached 30 weeks and with that came time to schedule my induction date!!!  With A LOT of monitoring from 2 different doctors, the goal has been to get me to 38 weeks, and then get Hope here and into the nursery to make sure she is healthy and that we will not have a repeat of last year...GOD WILLING!!!!  

Obviously, God plays a much bigger role in all of this than myself and even the doctors...so I just maintain my faith that I will get to watch Hope grow up a healthy little girl!!  We now have a date to look forward to...September 21 and I am soooo ready and soo excited!!  However, my anxiety is still there and I know that anything can happen....but I am so ready for things to play out and to meet my little rainbow baby, Hope!!