So the other day, I looked at pictures of Hailey from the very first pic after she was born until now (well not ALL of them but you get the idea)...it's only been 2 years (not even) and it's amazing how fast you forget.  The day my children were born will always be the happiest days of my life (please let this continue to be true), but it's amazing how such a painful experience can overpower all the happy memories.  Even though it wasn't that long ago, I have to remind myself what a joyful time it was the first few months after Hailey was born because I was robbed of all that the second time around...and I hate that I feel that way.  I wish there was some way I could have separate little cabinets in my mind...one for Hailey, one for Emily, and one for this little nugget.  But, since that's not possible, I work very hard at sorting out all of my emotions and this is something I'm prepared to work at the rest of my life.  Every time I am asked how many children I have or everytime I have to explain that this is not my second pregnancy or my second child, etc...I am faced with my reality.  However, I refuse to omit the fact that I have three children and I am fully comfortable in sharing my experience...I just worry how others handle me talking about it sometimes!

The hardest thing for a woman, especially a mother to do is accept that we are not in control.  But, once we do, it's almost comforting...hard but comforting to let go and wait.  That's all I can do at this point.