I could either view this past week with a lot of "why's" and "what if's"...but I'm trying very hard to keep my head up and think positive. First off, a dear friend of mine has suffered another pregnancy loss and my heart has been breaking for her and hoping that she find the answers she needs so that she may one day have a little one to hold. I'll be honest, the devil has crept in a few times as I wonder why irresponsible drug addicts and mindless teenages can get pregnant with no problems when so many women who desire nothing but to be a good mother, struggle?? However, I try to remain the Faith and trust that He is ulitimately in charge.
I had my first appointment with a new OB today and I was extremely emotional the whole drive there...the flashbacks of Emily, the fears for this one, the excitement of seeing my little "nugget" for the first time, and the guilt that I might be "moving on." The reason I gave a little background on the ABO Incompatibility disorder in the previous post is because I knew without a doubt, that somehow, somewhere...there was a correlation between that and Emily's death...even though there was no evidence at the surface to say so. As I had been visiting with this new OB, he assured me that he would do whatever it took to deliver me a healthy baby and to keep my mind at ease throughout this pregnancy. Two weeks ago, after my routine antibody screen came back normal, he took me a step further and ordered a complete antibody work-up. Twenty-two tubes of blood and two VERY LONG weeks later, I received the results today. I first met with the sonographer and we got a peek at a very tiny little fetus who is 5 weeks and 6 days growing in my tummy with a strong little heartbeat....yay! Then, after visiting with Dr. Ehmer and reviewing my bloodwork, we discovered that my Anticardiolipin Antibodies are high...not good! In plain English, I have an Auto-Immune disorder which (as I previously stated my antibodies grow stronger with each pregnancy) can cause my body to form clots to fight off the pregnancy. Therefore, in order to (hopefully) prevent a miscarriage or something terrible in the pregnancy, I have to give myself a shot of a blood thinner in my stomach everyday. This also placed the missing piece of the puzzle in the search for answers to why Emily died. The presence of this antibody in young victims causes Myocardial Infarctions...Heart Attacks...Myocarditis (Emily's cause of death). The "hopeful" news (I struggle to use the phrase "good news") is, we can hopefully be proactive in preventing another loss...but my heart is aching so bad right now for my Emily.
Some of you might have questions like "why didn't anyone catch this before?" For one, asking this still doesn't bring her back and two, this is such an uncommon occurance that it usually isn't even surfaced until there is a problem...especially since my routine screening came back normal. I am just so very thankful that Dr. Ehmer took the next step to find these answers....and now I just pray pray pray that God will protect our little "nugget." Today, more than ever (not that I wasn't before)...I am so very thankful for my little Hailey who is here and healthy.
I suddenly feel the need to inform and educate people, not just on my issue, but to ask all the questions and do all the research you can possible do regarding your health because, like us, doctors are only human and will always be learning!!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all ways aknowledge him,
and HE will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
What a blessing this dr is, Lindsay! I have a good feeling about him, and I'll pray that God works through him to protect you and your new little nugget. :)
ReplyDeleteI know we've only met once and I promise I won't stalk your blog like some creepo, but reading your posts about the blood incompatibility is actually very cathartic for me. I was due on Feb. 19th but due to high blood pressure among other things, was induced on Jan. 26th. I felt so guilty because Meaghan was born at 36 weeks and only weighed 4 lbs 8 oz. I knew that if I had done bedrest the way I was instructed, then my bp wouldn't have been so high and she could've had time to grow in-utero. But once she was born, we found out that she and I were incompatible as well and that my body had built up antibodies during my first pregnancy (so it sounds like what you are describing). By sharing yours and Emily's story, you are helping me realize that God had a perfect plan for Meaghan to be born early and I shouldn't feel guilty. Thank you for being so open (even though I kind of snuck onto your blog...). :)
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